Excerpts from The Worker by Walter Wykes Comedy
All right, look. I didn’t want to tell you, but I’ve fallen behind. At work. I can’t keep up. Recently, they’ve …ahh…. they’ve let a few people go. Every day there are fewer and fewer people doing the same amount of work. They have me running the accounting department entirely by myself! Not management, no. I haven’t been promoted. It’s just me- there’s no one to manage! I do everything! The whole department! And that’s not all! I’m also expected to take incoming calls because there’s no receptionist, fix the computers because there’s no tech department, field customer complaints because there’s no customer service. I’m in charge of the mail room, the cafeteria, janitorial services, research and development! Last week, human resources was let go, the whole department, and I received a memo- which I’d actually typed myself because there’s no secretary- instructing me to familiarize myself with all applicable state and federal guidelines! Tomorrow, I’m supposed to start mediating all employee disputes! I have no idea what I’m doing! I’d ask the legal department for advice, but I’ve never studied law so I wouldn’t know what to tell myself! And to top it all off, I have to take the CEO’s dog out to poop four times a day. At regular intervals. He has stomach problems and he’s on a very strict schedule!
Excerpts from The Marriage of Bette and Boo by Christopher Durang Comedy
Father or Sister Donnelly:
Young marrieds have many problems to get used to. For some of them this is the first person of the opposite sex the other has ever known. The husband may not be used to having a woman in his bathroom. The wife may not be used to a strong masculine odor in her boudoir. Or then the wife may not cook well enough. How many marriages have floundered on the rocks of ill-cooked bacon? I used to amuse my friends by imitating bacon on a saucepan. Would anyone like to see that? I also do coffee percolating. Pt. Pt. Ptptptptptptptptpt. Bacon’s better. But things like coffee and bacon are important in a marriage, because they represent things that the wife does to make her husband happy. Or fat. The wife cooks the bacon, and the husband brings home the bacon. This is how St. Paul saw marriage, although they probably didn’t really eat pork back then, the curing process was not very well worked out in Christ’s time, which is why so many of them followed the Jewish dietary laws even though they were Christians. I know I’m glad to be living now when we have cured pork and plumbing and showers rather than back when Christ lived. Many priests say they wish they had lived in Christ’s time so they could have met Him; that would, of course, have been very nice, but I’m glad I live now and that I have a shower.